How to Offer Divorce to a Close Friend

What do you do when a close friend is filing for divorce or thinking about it seriously? It can be challenging to be supportive yet objective in your intentions. The task involves much more than offering a sympathetic shoulder to cry on.

Here are a few useful tips:

1. Offer your support and be there for him or her. Back it up with action. Be ready to receive calls at odd times when she needs your moral or emotional support.

2. Avoid getting into spouse bashing. If he or she wishes to express their frustration, let them. But while offering your attention, avoid indulging in maligning the absent spouse. Offering support does not automatically imply that you have to criticize the spouse.

3. Be a source of positive and calm energy. This can be challenging as many (though not all)divorces tend to be acrimonious. Encourage calm and peaceful solutions. Avoid making suggestions that trigger insecurity and suspicion.

4. A stressed and distracted person is likely to have many chores undone. Offer help in completing them. These could include jobs like paying bills or picking children from school.

5. Offer assistance in calculating and estimating expected monthly expenses for alimony or court settlements. Organizing documents and bills takes time and concentration which the friend may not have at hand at that time.

6. Encourage her to share the children with the father. Many times, women are often tempted to inflict 'punishment' on their spouses by threatening to cut off access to children. Gently explain that children need both parents in the post divorce phase.

7. Introduce the friend to divorce support groups in her area. It is helpful and therapeutic to meet other people who have undergone the same experience. Meditation classes and yoga groups also offer effective internal healing techniques.

8. Encourage him or her to socialize with close friends. Watching a movie or laughing with a group of supportive friends will help her get over the stress faster.

9. If you know both spouses well, avoid getting in the middle of the fray. Listen but avoid participation in personal discussions involving the other spouse.

It is not easy being a good friend while offering objective guidance and support to a close friend in the middle of a divorce. Not all divorces are acrimonious. Regulate your reaction according to what you see. If your friend needs some personal space to herself, be sensitive enough to recognize that need.

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