Sadly there is no way of avoiding the hurt and emotional turmoil caused by a divorce or the end of a long term relationship. Even when both parties agree that a divorce is the best solution, the process is still heart wrenching and enormously distressing. It is not simply the cessation of the relationship you have to deal with, but the end of your shared hopes and dreams for the future. The way you envisaged living your life will evaporate before your eyes, leaving you feeling lost, exposed and lonely.
A divorce does not simply affect your relationship; it can have a huge impact on every aspect of your life, including your living situation, your family, your children and even your friends. A divorce can also have a detrimental impact on your confidence, leaving you to feel isolated and wondering whether you'll ever meet anyone else. It is these very fears that cause many people to endure an unhappy relationship rather than seeking a divorce and starting afresh.
Coping with a divorce:
Understand that the emotions you have will be confused and will manifest themselves in different ways at different stages. You will experience exhaustion, frustration, anxiety and sadness, and these feelings will be intense and will last for longer than you'd like. It is important to realise that these feelings are part of the process. They will lessen over time. Just stick with it, eat properly, try and sleep and eventually the fear and heartache will lessen.
Don't be too hard on yourself. Everyone wants to feel as if they are superhuman and are able to go on functioning as normal. This is completely unrealistic. Accept that for a time you are not going to be at your best. Take some time off work if you can and collect your thoughts. By soldiering on and keeping busy it may take you longer to come to the terms with the reality of the situation.
Friends and family are incredibly valuable when going through a divorce. Talk to them. They'll be there for you and will accept that you're not always going to be in the best of moods. They'll provide you with an understanding ear and may have gone through a similar situation themselves.
By not fighting your feelings and accepting you have suffered a loss, you will get through this tough time. Grief is essential to the healing process, and although at times you may feel as if life is never going to get better, it will.
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