When Will I Stop Hurting So Much?

Loneliness is one of the first most painful emotions to appear when you get divorced. Even if you were lonely in your marriage, it's just somehow different when you are living alone. Yes, this is true even if you have children living with you.

People express loneliness in a variety of ways. You may be like a hermit crab and withdraw into your shell, peering out at the rest of the world with a sad and dejected expression. Maybe you avoid experiencing loneliness by being with someone, actually anyone, so you don't have to be alone. Then again, you may experience loneliness by keeping busy - VERY busy - with work, or volunteer efforts, or with your children and their activities. You might even express your loneliness by a combination of these behaviors.

It's natural to feel lonely when your relationship ends. If you can recognize the pain of loneliness as an opportunity to heal, an opportunity for self-discovery, you'll be able to heal from it much more quickly than if you allow yourself to get stuck in it.

You'll know that you're becoming more aware of your loneliness and ready to start rediscovering wonderful things about yourself when you start asking the one question everyone who gets divorced asks: "When will I stop hurting so much?"

Unfortunately, I can't tell you exactly when the pain of loneliness will stop and no one else can either, no matter how much we wish we could. But, I can tell you some of the signs that you're getting over your loneliness and have started becoming comfortable with alone-ness. Sometimes knowing the indications that the worst is over can be incredibly comforting.

The signs you're moving forward beyond the painful feelings of loneliness include:

-When you stop hiding out at home

-When you stop trying to find any other relationship to avoid being lonely

-When you stop being connected 24x7 with Facebook, your iPhone, and the virtual realities of computer and online games

-When you are content doing activities by yourself - going to the movies, going out to eat, etc.

-When you stop letting feelings of loneliness control your behavior

-When you start enjoying the new things you're doing as part of your Functional Divorce

Your Functional Divorce Assignment:

The next time you're hit with the pain of loneliness, take a moment, recognize that the pain will ease with time and know that you have some signs you can be on the lookout for to know that you're heading past the worst of it.

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