When your marriage is failing, either you or your spouse may fall into destructive patterns that are reflected on how you deal with each other. Either of you can get physical or nag all the time because you feel it's the only way you can let your spouse listen and see your point. If this is happening in your marriage now, you are in a total mess. You are not only hurting each other but you are ruining your marriage. These actions cannot be negotiated; it must be put to a halt if you want to stay married.
Neither of you can justify these actions by just saying this is me. Your destructive attitude is the result of unresolved issues from the past that have accumulated through time. But must you really linger on the ugly things of have been and ruin your marriage? Keep in mind that words can hurt worse than a real wound and it leaves scars that take longer time to heal. And hurting your spouse can just widen the gap that has torn your marriage apart.
If you want to know how to save your marriage, these damaging actions must be avoided at all cost.
Undependable Spouse and Breaking One's Promises
You think that just because you two are already married, it is ok to break your promises? If you have made a promise but you can't keep it, be honest and say so. It is better to be honest that let your spouse expect so much only to be disappointed over and over again. When you say you will, you must. A lifetime commitment means sharing a life with someone who you can depend on from simplest to big things because it matters. Remember that trust is built over time and you wouldn't want your spouse to lose trust in you. Letting your spouse down and not keeping your word sends the wrong signal of indifference on your part and will damage your marriage.
Physical and / or Emotional Abuse on Your Spouse
You and your spouse share a life but you don't own your spouse. Maybe the use of foul language or treating your spouse like a slave is normal, but the reality is it is not. Physically and verbally abusing your spouse and maybe even your children may bring your marriage to an end. There's a limit to anyone's patience and tolerance. Do not be surprised if one day your spouse cannot take it anymore and just break away from you and the marriage. If you want to work things out and stay married, you must seek counseling if you tend to be in any manner abusive.
Putting Romance Aside
So many changes can happen in all the years that you are married but that must not include your affection and love for each other. If you don't talk about each other's expectations on romance, affection, or even sex, it will hurt your relationship. You do not need to wait for special occasions to express your love and appreciation towards your spouse. Romanticism is not exclusive for dating couples alone. You can be romantic everyday of your lives if you would just make an effort to be one. Hold hands when you are watching or hug when your spouse least expects it are just simple ways to be romantic. But its effect is a feeling of being wanted again.
Unwillingness or Inability to Forgive
Whether you are the aggrieved spouse or the aggressor, you have to forgive your spouse and yourself from any mistake. Failure to do so will harm both your physical health, emotional health, and your marriage. Resentments from betrayals and past mistakes will only tear your worlds apart and your love for your spouse may slowly die. To forgive does not mean you have to forget or overlook hurtful actions. But it would benefit both of you and your marriage if you will not let stubbornness and vengeful thoughts and acts end what could be fixed. Do not waste your time and effort looking back at past disappointments, insensitivity, anger, and other negative thoughts. Nothing will be achieved with this but bitterness and hate. Instead, focus on what can you do to get over any trial and learn to forgive.
Declining to Converse or Listen with Spouse
If you will shut your spouse off your life, thoughts, and feelings, you might as well have not married in the first place. But since you have your spouse to take part in your outlooks and thoughts, you must both listen and talk with each other. When you decline the willingness of your spouse to share and listen with you, you are turning away from putting back mental and emotional intimacy or maybe even physical intimacy with your spouse. It is very easy to say what is in your mind but what is in your heart is really important in order to keep the communication line open. When both of you can manage to do this, you will be in the right track in saving your marriage.
Jealousy and Lack of Trust
While a little and occasional jealousy can put a little mystery and spark to your married life, too much of it can suffocate your spouse. Irrational jealousy is one way that can surely drive either of the spouses away. Your inability to trust your spouse's fidelity might even result to spying which can really be dangerous and ruin the marriage. If you cannot acknowledge your jealousy or change your attitude, you have best seek professional counseling to address this issue.
Whether you have been married for a few years, a decade or more, you must always remember that both of you have feelings and individuality that you must learn to respect. When respect is lost, one or both will realize too late that you fell into a pothole of negativity. You will see that all you ever do are damaging actions. These damaging actions can do nothing but harm a marriage. Learn to avoid those actions to stay in a healthy marriage.
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