My Marriage Is Perfect - Just Don't Look Too Closely

I will never forget the calls from neighbors the day the 'For Sale' sign went up in our front yard. They were surprised to find out the reason for selling was because of the divorce. They all felt we had a solid marriage. I had succeeded in kidding everyone, including myself, that my life was fine.

Many women get their life priorities mixed up like me. What people thought of me was more important than how I felt about myself. Like many women, I didn't get to that place overnight and didn't even realize I was there for a while.

It usually isn't until we hit some sort of emotional bottom that we are willing to take a hard look at ourselves and the life we are living.

After a while the line blurs between what is our reality vs. the illusion of the reality we work so hard to portray. For many, we begin to lose the essence of who we are at the point where the lines start to blur.

I started believing my false happy married life was in fact my life. But as much as I tried to be happy, on the inside I knew it was a lie.

There were plenty of signs letting me know that life was not happy, joyous and free:

• I was in a chronic state of exhaustion. Looking back, I know today it takes a lot of energy to keep up the 'Life is Fine' façade. Putting on the happy face takes an emotional toll on us.
• I chose not to deal with root cause issues in my marriage, but instead to look the other way. I kept pushing the emotional pain deep within me through self-destructive behaviors.
• I didn't have close friends. I had a lot of acquaintances in my life. There was no one I could open up with to share exactly where I was at emotionally. I thought as an adult I just needed to 'suck it up' and deal with life alone.

No one wants to look like a failure and we can go to great lengths to put up the façade that 'Life is Fine' as we isolate our emotions.

So what do you do?

For me, I needed to take a hard look at my life and make some new choices. I chose to chart a new course in my life and take ownership of my decisions. One of the early decisions was divorce; which was the best decision for all parties involved.

Most importantly, I knew that I needed to live a life that was true to my values. Not everyone is going to agree with my choices in life; today, I am fine with that. I came to an understanding when I started this new course of living that the one person I need to be true to was myself.

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