Preserve Your Marriage: Unfaithfulness Shouldn't Result to Divorce

There are many things that can break up a marriage; however unfaithfulness is arguably the biggest cause. Extramarital affairs go against everything that marriage stands for. When two individuals come together in marriage, they actually become one and they are supposed to spend the rest of their lives together. So when that bond is broken it becomes very difficult to overcome the feelings of despair that results.

Infidelity in marriage is not only about one partner starting a physical relationship with someone outside of the union. There is also an emotional dimension to it, when any of the marriage partners starts to share his or her life with an individual outside the union.

This phenomenon referred to as emotional infidelity, has become a big threat to the marriage bond in the previous few decades. There are several reasons for this but the main reason is the workplace which is becoming more and more mixed.

Apart from that, people now have more crafty ways to communicate with one another. It is now a lot easier for people to connect with each other via new technologies like texting, instant messaging and electronic mail. Even though these things do not cause emotional infidelity, they are a contributory factor.

Also, it has become very easy for marriage partners to be physically unfaithful to each other. These days married couples do not spend as much time together as they used to in the past. Many spend most of their time at the work place, which provides them with a very helpful justification once they decide to cheat on their partners. What you should realize is that you can choose to be faithful or unfaithful to your spouse.

However you need to keep in mind that these things are not reasons, they are only excuses and opportunities. Excuses will never solve the problems in any marriage. However one is not saying that unfaithfulness in marriage cannot be overcome. There is no doubt that unfaithfulness is a big challenge, but it is one that can be surmounted.

To deal with the problem, you need to first determine what has gone wrong with your union. Something must have caused your partner to be unfaithful to you. There is a crack in the relationship you have with your partner and it has to be mended so as to overcome the infidelity.

Your spouse has not been faithful to you, but there is no need to blame him or her. You should also not blame yourself, but you have to get past that, because the emotional healing you and your partner needs will only be delayed if you keep pointing accusing fingers.

After determining what made your partner to be unfaithful to you, the next thing you have to do is rebuild trust. Unfaithfulness destroys trust and it will probably take several months if not years to rebuild that trust. The two of you have to work hard to mend what has been shattered.

You can however preserve your marriage, if you follow the steps presented in this article. Infidelity is a very bad thing, but there is no relationship that cannot be mended. All that is required is willingness to find the needed counsel and assistance to mend your relationship.

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New York Laws Make Getting a Divorce a Cumbersome Proposition

New methods of processing divorce cases in New York are needed since getting a divorce there can be a much more difficult and costly measure. It's been six years now since there were recommendations for streamlining procedures and lessening the amount of time each case takes in court, but so far nothing has happened. Cases often have to wait as much as a year to even get a date in court, and once there issues often continue to arise that take longer and longer to resolve. Cuts in court budgets are exacerbating the already clumsy situation. The system is being over-taxed, and people and financial resources are suffering the effects.

When discussing the court budget for the 2012 - 2013 year, the Chief Administrative Judge offered to do what he could to reduce the delays and backlogs that were building up in the state. However, there is little the courts can do. Attorneys have the power to stretch out their cases for their own financial gains, and they aren't required to agree to any settlement. Although updated guidelines regarding child and spousal support and no-fault divorce were implemented in 2006 and have helped the situation some, budget constraints have delayed any further changes.

During 2011-12, state court budgets were slashed $170 million. Cuts included staff reductions through retirements and layoffs which has resulted in fewer court workers and decreased services. Litigants find little help when dealing with courthouse workers, have fewer opportunities to represent themselves in order to eliminate attorney fees, and fewer law librarians. The operating hours for the courts were shortened meaning that time to try cases and hold hearings has diminished causing larger backlogs and postponements which raises the legal fees clients are having to pay. Shortened hours also means that a case can drag on for more days forcing the litigants to miss more work.

Divorce costs were reaching proportions that many people with only modest incomes could afford, so $25 million of the state's 2012-13 budget was set aside to help them. Efforts are also being made for more pro bono assistance to be offered to the poor. Unfortunately, while these measures may help individuals, they add to the burden placed on the courts and the broken divorce system.

Although collaborative divorce programs are available, it involves both parties being reasonable and compromising, a situation which isn't available in many cases. It only takes one person to make proposed settlements disintegrate making the process stretch out for months. Since divorces aren't all done in one session, it means setting numerous court dates which can be weeks apart.

Reasons for Couples Filing for Divorce

There's nothing more frustrating than to end up on the receiving end of divorce papers. Many couples these days are essentially undergoing all sorts of struggles in their lives. Some may be able to fight through them all, while others simply cannot deal with the pressures and difficulties, leading to an inevitable breakdown in what they thought would be a lasting partnership. There are indeed a number of reasons why people file for legal separation in court, yet it's actually a lot more complicated than you might think. Below are some of the most common reasons why couples these days are filing for separation from each other:

Financial burdens - This is certainly something which has gotten more prevalent, especially with how the global economy has affected our individual financial stability. A lot of couples can simply work things out with these, but not many have strong resolve. It's always hard to deal with money concerns, causing copious amounts of stress, which in turn can be highly disastrous for any kind of relationship. This could seriously lead to some resentment with each other, especially one of them is being constantly blamed for the lack of financial security in the household. The lack of solidarity in money matters can certainly pose quite a negative effect on the relationship, and will lead to a legal separation if need be.

Adultery - This is considered to be the most common reason for breakups in marriages. Some couples find a lack of intimacy in each other after having spent so many years together, one of the partners in the relationship may look for another alternative in terms of sexual satisfaction and even romance. This is quite the obvious reason, so to speak. Affairs will start up, the other party will eventually learn of it, and thus irreconcilable differences will ensue. It can be rather challenging to have to face the adulterous partner in the relationship and forgive him/her for the lack of faithfulness, which is why there are a lot of divorcees based on this particular reason.

Differences in lifestyle - while it is true that people are quite diverse from each other, their perception of both important and not-so-important matters can get in the way of them having any sort of compromise. Differences won't be settled and arguments may arise from it, thus leading to the possibility of a failed marriage. Their ideas would simply contradict each other's, and they will have to end the conflict by ending the relationship.

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When Will I Stop Hurting So Much?

Loneliness is one of the first most painful emotions to appear when you get divorced. Even if you were lonely in your marriage, it's just somehow different when you are living alone. Yes, this is true even if you have children living with you.

People express loneliness in a variety of ways. You may be like a hermit crab and withdraw into your shell, peering out at the rest of the world with a sad and dejected expression. Maybe you avoid experiencing loneliness by being with someone, actually anyone, so you don't have to be alone. Then again, you may experience loneliness by keeping busy - VERY busy - with work, or volunteer efforts, or with your children and their activities. You might even express your loneliness by a combination of these behaviors.

It's natural to feel lonely when your relationship ends. If you can recognize the pain of loneliness as an opportunity to heal, an opportunity for self-discovery, you'll be able to heal from it much more quickly than if you allow yourself to get stuck in it.

You'll know that you're becoming more aware of your loneliness and ready to start rediscovering wonderful things about yourself when you start asking the one question everyone who gets divorced asks: "When will I stop hurting so much?"

Unfortunately, I can't tell you exactly when the pain of loneliness will stop and no one else can either, no matter how much we wish we could. But, I can tell you some of the signs that you're getting over your loneliness and have started becoming comfortable with alone-ness. Sometimes knowing the indications that the worst is over can be incredibly comforting.

The signs you're moving forward beyond the painful feelings of loneliness include:

-When you stop hiding out at home

-When you stop trying to find any other relationship to avoid being lonely

-When you stop being connected 24x7 with Facebook, your iPhone, and the virtual realities of computer and online games

-When you are content doing activities by yourself - going to the movies, going out to eat, etc.

-When you stop letting feelings of loneliness control your behavior

-When you start enjoying the new things you're doing as part of your Functional Divorce

Your Functional Divorce Assignment:

The next time you're hit with the pain of loneliness, take a moment, recognize that the pain will ease with time and know that you have some signs you can be on the lookout for to know that you're heading past the worst of it.

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6 Most Common Damaging Actions That Will Destroy a Marriage

When your marriage is failing, either you or your spouse may fall into destructive patterns that are reflected on how you deal with each other. Either of you can get physical or nag all the time because you feel it's the only way you can let your spouse listen and see your point. If this is happening in your marriage now, you are in a total mess. You are not only hurting each other but you are ruining your marriage. These actions cannot be negotiated; it must be put to a halt if you want to stay married.

Neither of you can justify these actions by just saying this is me. Your destructive attitude is the result of unresolved issues from the past that have accumulated through time. But must you really linger on the ugly things of have been and ruin your marriage? Keep in mind that words can hurt worse than a real wound and it leaves scars that take longer time to heal. And hurting your spouse can just widen the gap that has torn your marriage apart.

If you want to know how to save your marriage, these damaging actions must be avoided at all cost.

Undependable Spouse and Breaking One's Promises

You think that just because you two are already married, it is ok to break your promises? If you have made a promise but you can't keep it, be honest and say so. It is better to be honest that let your spouse expect so much only to be disappointed over and over again. When you say you will, you must. A lifetime commitment means sharing a life with someone who you can depend on from simplest to big things because it matters. Remember that trust is built over time and you wouldn't want your spouse to lose trust in you. Letting your spouse down and not keeping your word sends the wrong signal of indifference on your part and will damage your marriage.

Physical and / or Emotional Abuse on Your Spouse

You and your spouse share a life but you don't own your spouse. Maybe the use of foul language or treating your spouse like a slave is normal, but the reality is it is not. Physically and verbally abusing your spouse and maybe even your children may bring your marriage to an end. There's a limit to anyone's patience and tolerance. Do not be surprised if one day your spouse cannot take it anymore and just break away from you and the marriage. If you want to work things out and stay married, you must seek counseling if you tend to be in any manner abusive.

Putting Romance Aside

So many changes can happen in all the years that you are married but that must not include your affection and love for each other. If you don't talk about each other's expectations on romance, affection, or even sex, it will hurt your relationship. You do not need to wait for special occasions to express your love and appreciation towards your spouse. Romanticism is not exclusive for dating couples alone. You can be romantic everyday of your lives if you would just make an effort to be one. Hold hands when you are watching or hug when your spouse least expects it are just simple ways to be romantic. But its effect is a feeling of being wanted again.

Unwillingness or Inability to Forgive

Whether you are the aggrieved spouse or the aggressor, you have to forgive your spouse and yourself from any mistake. Failure to do so will harm both your physical health, emotional health, and your marriage. Resentments from betrayals and past mistakes will only tear your worlds apart and your love for your spouse may slowly die. To forgive does not mean you have to forget or overlook hurtful actions. But it would benefit both of you and your marriage if you will not let stubbornness and vengeful thoughts and acts end what could be fixed. Do not waste your time and effort looking back at past disappointments, insensitivity, anger, and other negative thoughts. Nothing will be achieved with this but bitterness and hate. Instead, focus on what can you do to get over any trial and learn to forgive.

Declining to Converse or Listen with Spouse

If you will shut your spouse off your life, thoughts, and feelings, you might as well have not married in the first place. But since you have your spouse to take part in your outlooks and thoughts, you must both listen and talk with each other. When you decline the willingness of your spouse to share and listen with you, you are turning away from putting back mental and emotional intimacy or maybe even physical intimacy with your spouse. It is very easy to say what is in your mind but what is in your heart is really important in order to keep the communication line open. When both of you can manage to do this, you will be in the right track in saving your marriage.

Jealousy and Lack of Trust

While a little and occasional jealousy can put a little mystery and spark to your married life, too much of it can suffocate your spouse. Irrational jealousy is one way that can surely drive either of the spouses away. Your inability to trust your spouse's fidelity might even result to spying which can really be dangerous and ruin the marriage. If you cannot acknowledge your jealousy or change your attitude, you have best seek professional counseling to address this issue.

Whether you have been married for a few years, a decade or more, you must always remember that both of you have feelings and individuality that you must learn to respect. When respect is lost, one or both will realize too late that you fell into a pothole of negativity. You will see that all you ever do are damaging actions. These damaging actions can do nothing but harm a marriage. Learn to avoid those actions to stay in a healthy marriage.

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Tips on Saving a Marriage

It is easy to get into a relationship but difficult to maintain it. Often people get into a relationship with the feeling of long lastingness but finally end up getting divorced. There are many ways for saving a marriage, but they require some special qualities from both the husband and the wife. It is commonly seen that love marriages are less reliable than arrange marriage. Some of the main causes that lead to separation are ego, misunderstanding, lack of faith, busy schedules, different thinking, anger, one sided family support, mutual understanding, career, and so on.

Two married people finally think of separation when they have become over-obsessed with one another. In most of the cases, two people get enough time to rethink about their relationship before they actually get divorced or separated. If you really love your partner and want to spend your whole life with them, then this is the right time to try your best so that your partners change their decision of getting divorced. Some of the best ways to save a marriage are given which if followed with full devotion will yield positive results.

• Request your partner to give you some time so that you can explain them your situation and problems. You will have to make your partner feel that after getting separated, your life will become miserable and you need them in every walk of life. Don't get distressed or disheartened when they give rude replies. Instead keep on trying hard because hard work brings success one day. You will have to be very calm, polite, humble, and patient if you really want to save your marriage.

• Request your partner to give you a last chance so that you are able to prove your point, if your relationship is ending because of some misunderstanding between you and your partner. Moreover, you will have to work hard to collect all possible proofs which will convince your partner that you are guilty or wrong. On the other hand if you have committed some mistake because of which your relationship is going to finish, don't feel bad or guilty by realizing your mistake and saying sorry to your partner. Say those things which will make them believe that you will not commit the same mistake in future. Your first and foremost priority should be to win the confidence and trust of your partner so that you are successful in saving a marriage.

• Give yourself some time and think about the reasons and issues which are leading you both to this situation. Instead of finding faults in your partner and making them feel that your marriage is ending because of them, you should realize your mistakes. Ponder on those situations when you were very rude with your partner or treated them cruelly. Think about what you have given to your partner and what did they demand or expected from you. After finding your fault, try to think of ways which will help you to win back your love. Remember that it is easy to find faults in other but difficult to rectify your faults.

• When you have realized your mistake, try to correct them by changing the features which your partner doesn't like in you. Bring them some gifts or things which they like or expect from you. Try to make them feel that they are very precious for you and you don't want to live without them. If your partner is staying away from you, then give them a surprise visit with flowers and gifts. Spend some time with them and explain them your feelings and emotions.

• If you have children and then too you both are getting divorced, then you have taken an absolutely wrong decision. Husband and wife often think of getting divorced or separated but don't think about their children's future. They don't worry about the impact which your separation will put in their mind. Both the father and mother are equally important for a child. The child needs both of them to take right decisions in their life and career. So before filing for divorce, just think about your children and their future and surely this method will help you in saving a marriage.

• If your wife or husband is not attractive or have some bad habits like smoking, drinking, etc. and as a result, you are thinking of separating with them, then think calmly. Finishing a relationship will affect lives of many people including your family and friends. Running away from a situation is not a solution to it and you have to become determined to change your partner with your love and devotion. You can explain them that how their bad habits are ruining your life and relationship. Tell them that you love them and because you care for them you are asking them to leave their bad habits.

• You can take help of a middleman for saving a marriage. The mediator can be your friend, relative, or some other family member. They will explain your partner about your feelings and how much you are attached to them. They will also come to know the reason why your partner is unhappy with you so that you can correct your mistakes.

A healthy relationship, especially marriage needs a huge amount of trust, understanding, love, care, concern, time, and space. If you are trying to save a marriage then you need to have all these qualities. Don't get depressed if your partner is not very beautiful, instead look at those qualities which make them different from other. Marriages are made in heaven but they have to be dealt with, on the earth. You can have a happy married life only if you have the willingness and determination to face all the obstacles coming in your way with perfection. Remember that every night is an indication of a beautiful day which is coming ahead. Don't lose hope in saving a marriage because you never know what destiny holds for you.

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Options on How to Obtain Divorce Records Today

There are a lot of reasons why individuals would want documentations on annulments. For some, it is crucial to know the marital history of a potential spouse while others need it for legal reasons like child support, property settlement and so on. In America, obtaining divorce records varies from one state to another. Most of the time, they are maintained per county, however following the specified total of years, these documents are transferred and also stored in the state government directory.

Usually, you will find needed vital information at the designated Division of Vital Records of the State. It is the office authorized to accept and release data regarding official split-up accounts and other essential data like birth, death and marriage. Basically, there are three fundamental ways to send request regarding this matter. First is through walk in. Simply appear in person at the aforementioned agency and present valid photo identification card with correct fee. This method usually delivers same day service and so far the fastest way to get a certified vital data.

Second approach is by sending application through the regular mail. Write a letter to the officer-in-charge with details of the account you are requesting like name of the married couple, date and place of separation and reason for obtaining the file. Expect weeks for the turn-around time with this particular method. In fact, some states even take months to process mail requests because of the bulk of claims they are getting each time. Third option is through fax. Remember to include the necessary details in order to locate your sought after data.

Annulment files are generally considered part of public information. Because of this, separation documents of any individual may be accessed by the general public given that proper protocol are used. As mentioned, there are various means to achieve this search. The most recent however is by way of online look up. Today, with the Internet almost dominating the information era, literally any person can get hold of any data without all the kinds of trouble done in the past.

A huge chunk of information can be obtained from an annulment file. They possess the private details of the annulled spouses and offspring like names, ages and dates of birth. You will also find where the matrimony took place, when it happened and who performed the solemnization not to mention financial data, custody, alimony, restraining orders, filing numbers, final verdict among many others. Separated persons also need this as requisite to remarry.

As to the fees, each State requires different fees for the same document. Most of the time, the government provides free divorce records however a small payment may be required to compensate service charge. Since the introduction of computer and Internet, viewing a certain document can be done in one sitting. As result, a lot of companies online took the initiative to provide quality output and top service in this regard. Paid online databanks are so far beneficial to anyone who does not have time for various paper works at public office.

My Marriage Is Perfect - Just Don't Look Too Closely

I will never forget the calls from neighbors the day the 'For Sale' sign went up in our front yard. They were surprised to find out the reason for selling was because of the divorce. They all felt we had a solid marriage. I had succeeded in kidding everyone, including myself, that my life was fine.

Many women get their life priorities mixed up like me. What people thought of me was more important than how I felt about myself. Like many women, I didn't get to that place overnight and didn't even realize I was there for a while.

It usually isn't until we hit some sort of emotional bottom that we are willing to take a hard look at ourselves and the life we are living.

After a while the line blurs between what is our reality vs. the illusion of the reality we work so hard to portray. For many, we begin to lose the essence of who we are at the point where the lines start to blur.

I started believing my false happy married life was in fact my life. But as much as I tried to be happy, on the inside I knew it was a lie.

There were plenty of signs letting me know that life was not happy, joyous and free:

• I was in a chronic state of exhaustion. Looking back, I know today it takes a lot of energy to keep up the 'Life is Fine' façade. Putting on the happy face takes an emotional toll on us.
• I chose not to deal with root cause issues in my marriage, but instead to look the other way. I kept pushing the emotional pain deep within me through self-destructive behaviors.
• I didn't have close friends. I had a lot of acquaintances in my life. There was no one I could open up with to share exactly where I was at emotionally. I thought as an adult I just needed to 'suck it up' and deal with life alone.

No one wants to look like a failure and we can go to great lengths to put up the façade that 'Life is Fine' as we isolate our emotions.

So what do you do?

For me, I needed to take a hard look at my life and make some new choices. I chose to chart a new course in my life and take ownership of my decisions. One of the early decisions was divorce; which was the best decision for all parties involved.

Most importantly, I knew that I needed to live a life that was true to my values. Not everyone is going to agree with my choices in life; today, I am fine with that. I came to an understanding when I started this new course of living that the one person I need to be true to was myself.

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Flexibility: It's About More Than Muscles

Life changes a lot when you separate and divorce. Things that used to be a regular part of life just aren't anymore. And when things change in unexpected ways, we can get scared, frustrated and angry.

When clients begin working with me, they're usually experiencing some combination of fear, frustration and anger. One of the first things we do is dive into what's behind or at the root of these emotions. What we usually discover on our deep dive are limits that have been disregarded in some way. The limits could be behaviors, expectations, thoughts, beliefs or even habits.

The identification of your personal limits is a critical part of restructuring your life during and after divorce. Some people are quite adept at identifying their limits - what they can and can't do, what they think and why they think it, what they expect and why they expect it and what their habits of thought, belief, response and action are. Others aren't as aware of their limits. They aren't quite sure of what their limits are or even if they want to know because they do and think what others tell them to. And then there are people everywhere in between these two extremes.

Regardless of your starting point, I think knowing and understanding your limits is one of the key pieces to successfully navigating divorce. Your limits can help you understand what's truly important to you as you negotiate your settlement. And knowing your limits will even allow you to ask for help and support when you need it.

The interesting thing though is that people's limits are usually explored during divorce. OK, that's a nice way of saying your limits will be tested, pushed, prodded, and beat against before, during, and after your separation and divorce. Who's doing all this "exploring"? EVERYONE. Or at least it will probably feel that way. However, the chief "explorers" are usually your soon-to-be-ex and you. I'll bet you already get how your soon-to-be-ex figures in here, but did you expect to also be on the chief "explorers"? The thing is that by virtue of going through the divorce process you're asking yourself to completely redefine what your life is like. And anytime you or anyone else changes it's testing/exploring our previously known limits.

I know all the testing, pushing, prodding, and beating against limits is at the minimum uncomfortable and worst excruciating. However, the payoff is either an adjustment, or a reaffirming of your limits along with, ideally, improved ways of communicating them to yourself and others. With your new limits you're most often better off than you were with your old limits. Kinda like that old adage what doesn't kill me makes me stronger.

Great, right? There's going to be some struggle and then things will be better. UGH! There's nothing there about how to make the transition from married to divorce easier! And here's where I'm going to tell you that the way to make things easier is to be flexible and loving while you're exploring your limits so you can adjust and evaluate them by choice instead of by force.

By allowing yourself to be flexible as you explore your limits you'll be much more able to understand and choose what to do with your limits and your life as you move forward through your divorce process. The flexibility will also allow you to negotiate from a more confident spot because you'll be able to more easily see the options available to you. Developing the ability to be flexible will help you now as you're navigating your divorce, but throughout your life.

Your Functional Divorce Assignment:

Know your limits. As you're proceeding through your separation and divorce process take note of your limits. You'll probably become aware of them most easily when you're experiencing a strong emotion.

Explore your limits. Once you've identified a limit, ask yourself questions like "How did I develop this limit?", "What's the benefit of this limit?", and "What might adjusting this limit be like?" Take note of what you discover about yourself.

Adjust your limits. Exploring limits almost always gives you new ideas of how to be, act, and think. Take advantage of your discoveries and adjust your limits in ways that make you feel wonderful!

This article is brought to you by PERSONALS.

How to Stop Your Divorce After Filing

If you decide you want to stop your divorce there are many ways you can do it. If the two of you changed your mind on separating, how you go about stopping it will depend on what your states rules are and what stage of divorce proceedings you are in. This article is meant as information only and should not be taken as legal advice.

If separation papers are not required in your state you will have an easier job. If you had to file separation papers and the two of you wish to stop your divorce, you must now sign another paper saying you wish to revoke the separation and have it notarized. After that you are free to get back together and continue on with your life again.

But if you had a petition for dissolution of marriage filed while separated you will have to file a petition with the court to dismiss the petition. You will then have to go before the judge to revoke the settlement agreement also.

If you do not get the settlement agreement revoked and things do not work out between you, then your settlement agreement will be bound by you as set in place by the court. If you do leave the settlement agreement in place that means if there is another break down then you can file contempt motions against your partner or vice versa. If you can work out things between you to avoid filing for divorce it could work out better for your interests.

If your state does not require the filing of separation papers but you have petitioned the court for dissolution of marriage, you would have to ask the judge to dismiss them. If the two of you have not filed any court papers then the two of you can carry on with your lives, nothing else needs to be done. But if your relationship still does not work out you both now know what must be done.

Laws are different in each state for filing separation papers so make sure you know yours. You might call and ask a divorce lawyer, many give a little bit of free advice up front. They could explain the process you must follow for both filing for a separation then undoing it.

Before you and your spouse decide to file for separation then divorce make sure you absolutely cannot solve your differences first. That alone could save you a headache latter trying to undo things later.

Be a Proactive Parent Against Parental Alienation

First things First

Contending with the complexities of Parental Alienation is. To help reduce frustration you need to acquire the tools and prepare yourself to combat this form of emotional abuse. But, before you get started on increasing the chances of maintaining a relationship with your children there is one thing you must understand. Which is the only thing you have control of are the choices you make. Getting a respectable judgment on a parenting plan will depend greatly on making beat choices that will influence the outcome you seek.

This takes being honest with yourself and the question you need to ask yourself before you pursue a parenting plan, " What is your true motive for seeking a plan?"

Seeking custody to retaliate against your ex for leaving and keeping the children away from you is a normal impulse, but those are wrong reasons to go to court. Getting even only adds fuel to the fire; perpetuating a vicious cycle of conflict where no one wins. The victory you feel for avenging your anger will only be temporary.

The right reason for seeking involvement with your children is to fulfill your responsibility of being a parent. If your purpose is to even the score; stop, do not read any further. You are doing it for the wrong reason. But, if you are in it to help your children's wellbeing continue on, They deserve to have the love of a responsible parent.

Knowledge is Power

Understanding Parental Alienation, the family laws of your case, and yourself is where you will gain power. This knowledge will give you the wisdom of where to apply your energy to optimize good results.

A resource I found extremely helpful in understanding the nut and bolts of Parental Alienation is Amy J. L. Baker's book "Adult Children of Parental Alienation; Breaking the Ties that Bind." She explains what it is, how it's implemented, and gives the in-depth makeup of whom engages in alienating their children from the target parent.

Identifying the tactics and strategies enables you to respond to the provocations from your ex in a proactive way. This can reduce the negative effects it may have on the parent-child relationship. You will also be better equipped to educate court officers and your attorney to the alienation that is occurring which is hindering you from having a real relationship with your children.

Along with identifying the strategies look from your ex's prospective to gain an understanding why she is alienating you. Is it because of a narcissistic personality, insecurity, pain, or a combination of them? Understanding the reason(s) can give you a way to moderate the conflict.

You also need to identify the triggers that cause you to react negatively. This will keep you from falling into the trap of getting even, which will take focus away from having involvement with your children.

The next thing to do is find an attorney in family law who specializes in high conflict custody cases with a good track record and reputation.

As you become educated with Parental Alienation, family law, and work with an attorney tend to your wellbeing. Get proper rest, eat a healthy diet, and do activities you enjoy. This will rejuvenate you and keep you from bogging down. Be either proactive or reactive the choice is yours.